Today, this will be a rambling of my thoughts, but I am so excited for what God is doing in my heart.
I am so grateful for my husband and family. Before I met Galen, I had my heart opened to the possibility of international adoption in my future. However, life happened, I was a single mom of 2 (ages 5 and 1), met my wonderful forever husband, whom God had perfectly planted into our lives, completed a life long bucket list dream of running a marathon in Hawaii, got married, and began the grueling, but blessed process of becoming a blended family.
My husband had never been around children; he had prayed for two children. He got two children and then some, if you count me :) Before I met Galen, I always felt I would have more biological children when my forever husband came into our lives. However, God always has a plan to refine me and "my plan." When I met Galen and began to consider him as the one who God had for me and heard his life story, I would have to give up the dream of more children. I also knew God was faithful and the creator of life; I fervently sought Him regarding this issue. Before Galen and I began to date, I knew, if we were to get married, I could trust God and He was in control; He is who He is...if He chose to withhold the gift of life or give the gift of life to us, that I could trust Him and His plan for my life and our marriage. I also have learned time and again that my plan is not always His plan and thank Him for that. I knew Galen was who God had hand picked specifically to be my husband. We discussed the option of adopting, but just briefly.
Moving on, we married within 9 months and began gelling our family together. As life happened and we began to adjust to life as a blended family our thoughts of adoption which really weren't all that long ago began to fade and seemed a distant memory or "nice thought" (you get what I am saying here) yah, pretty much not gonna happen! Forming our family was hard work and still we struggle with the blended family aspects in our life, but we have gotten into a "groove" and are so content with what we have as a family. We did and still do HARD! We are not perfect, and I am far from a perfect mommy and wife.
Five years later, I wish I could say giving up my dream of babies was just instantly removed, but it hasn't been. One would think I would have learned my lesson easily because there are days where I don't think I can handle the two children the Lord has blessed me with, but because of His mercy we find strength each day to work together as a family. The truth is through this journey, I continuously have had to give my dream of more biological children up to the Lord time and time again. I watch other people having babies and in sadness pray for peace and comfort in my heart as we have never heard yes from God. I keep trusting He has a better plan for us. Most days that is hard to believe, but I still HOPE.
HOPE renewed:
I am so thankful today for what I do have as a family and have never had as much peace as I do now about not having any more children biologically. The Lord has been doing a work in my heart as I seek Him in this matter, and He has given me new eyes and a renewed heart about family. I still feel like He is not done with us; I have prayed for release and peace in this issue, and today I have it. I truly believe our family is not complete yet, but I also know if He chose to add to our family it would be for His glory, not for my selfish desires. His glory and His glory only! I know Galen and I have so much love to give, and after offering to take care of a friend's children for several days this summer, I know I have more love to give. I loved having a house full of kids and noise and was so content with craziness. Galen says, "it would be cool if we had a girl, but I am content either way."
So here we are, content, hoping, and stewarding what we have been given to the best of our ability. And, about that far off in the past dream of international adoption, I am not so sure He is done with that one in our hearts yet. Today, I see family defined differently; God is working on my heart and showing me what it means to care for the abandoned and expand His kingdom. When salvation found me broken and imperfect, I was adopted into His kingdom and family for eternity. He has given me eyes to see how adoption is His representation of His love for all. He has shown me, that I, physically abandoned on this earth as a child and later adopted, is also a child of His. We are called to extend that blessing to others who are abandoned. Had I not been adopted, I may never have known His love for me or experienced grace in my life. My parents sacrificially accepted my twin sister and me into their lives, inconvenience, chaos, messes and all. Their imperfections didn't stop them; their hearts propelled them forward. When God purposes us to do something, He always makes a way and gives us strength. My mom and dad didn't say, oh we can't do that-they saw two little girls who needed love and a home. Trust me, as we grew I am sure we gave them reason to question why them, but I know they never did. They only loved us. They were not perfect, and therefore, neither do we have to be perfect. Because of His grace and His mercy in our lives, when the Lord calls us to be adopted into His kingdom and to serve Him, He never calls us to be perfectly put together. Thank God!
All I have to say, is get ready Lucinda, Galen, Tristin, and Jotham our life is about to get crazy but for His glory and His glory only.
Til next time,
Lucinda
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Psalm 37:23-24
“The steps of Lucinda are established by the Lord, and He delights in Lucinda's way. When Lucinda falls, Lucinda will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds Lucinda's hand.” (NASB)
Taking comfort in this devotion today from Proverbs 31 Ministries.
I have been struggling with failure time and time again in so many areas of my life lately it seems. As a mom, wife, student, friend, sister, accountant, keeper of finances, niece...This devotion spoke to me today. Today a friend called in a very difficult situation. She yelled at God, she vented to me, she cried...and all I could do was listen. Feeling like I failed her; if I was a better keeper of our financial situation I could help her get justice, but no I've failed at that. I have this voice inside my head saying, "well look, you are not a very good friend; you should have enough money to help her." But then on the flip side, the enemy is beating me up with thoughts like "Here you are, all pity partying by yourself and your friend is in the fight of her life without any hope or end in sight, how selfish of you." I know this is a ridiculous claim, but I cannot help but feel this way.
I have been so impatient with my husband and his work commitments lately also. He works hard for us and provided a great life for us. He has been so busy lately, and I am beginning to become embittered being the primary caretaker of the boys and being home with them all day, day in and day out. Patience is not my strong suit and really have no reason to be frustrated. But of course the enemy has a hold of this feeling of failure at being a grateful appreciative wife.
I have also felt very inadequate in my role as a student. I am not excited about what I am going to school for, I don't even know now at this point if there will be a job for me when I am done. Will I enjoy the work? Will it be enough? Will I be able to find contentment? Did I make the right decision to go further in debt and put my family through this intense program? I just don't have a positive answer to these questions? I have worked so hard for the last 2 years and now, here I am almost done and so anxious about it all. Where has my joy gone? Was this the path the Lord set me on, or did I take control and make a decision simply because I wanted to? The enemy would say "You are a failure, you will not find contentment, look at you, no joy." He wants me to be anxious, have doubt and live in the past. The bigot sin of all: he wants to steal my joy.
God's word says the Lord is stronger than all this. That He delights in me; He has established my ways and holds my hand. He wants good for me and will pick me up when I fall. I am praying for the strength to believe this in my heart today.
Lucinda
Taking comfort in this devotion today from Proverbs 31 Ministries.
I have been struggling with failure time and time again in so many areas of my life lately it seems. As a mom, wife, student, friend, sister, accountant, keeper of finances, niece...This devotion spoke to me today. Today a friend called in a very difficult situation. She yelled at God, she vented to me, she cried...and all I could do was listen. Feeling like I failed her; if I was a better keeper of our financial situation I could help her get justice, but no I've failed at that. I have this voice inside my head saying, "well look, you are not a very good friend; you should have enough money to help her." But then on the flip side, the enemy is beating me up with thoughts like "Here you are, all pity partying by yourself and your friend is in the fight of her life without any hope or end in sight, how selfish of you." I know this is a ridiculous claim, but I cannot help but feel this way.
I have been so impatient with my husband and his work commitments lately also. He works hard for us and provided a great life for us. He has been so busy lately, and I am beginning to become embittered being the primary caretaker of the boys and being home with them all day, day in and day out. Patience is not my strong suit and really have no reason to be frustrated. But of course the enemy has a hold of this feeling of failure at being a grateful appreciative wife.
I have also felt very inadequate in my role as a student. I am not excited about what I am going to school for, I don't even know now at this point if there will be a job for me when I am done. Will I enjoy the work? Will it be enough? Will I be able to find contentment? Did I make the right decision to go further in debt and put my family through this intense program? I just don't have a positive answer to these questions? I have worked so hard for the last 2 years and now, here I am almost done and so anxious about it all. Where has my joy gone? Was this the path the Lord set me on, or did I take control and make a decision simply because I wanted to? The enemy would say "You are a failure, you will not find contentment, look at you, no joy." He wants me to be anxious, have doubt and live in the past. The bigot sin of all: he wants to steal my joy.
God's word says the Lord is stronger than all this. That He delights in me; He has established my ways and holds my hand. He wants good for me and will pick me up when I fall. I am praying for the strength to believe this in my heart today.
Lucinda
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Mercy
As I sit back and reflect on the last two days of our lives, I am in awe by the mercy of my heavenly father, my Jesus.
We entered Joplin yesterday not knowing what to expect. As we began to make our way around town what we witnessed is indescribable, impossible to wrap our heads around-utter devastation, complete pulverization, something I have never in my life experienced. As Galen puts it: a dichotomy, people who lost everything, and I mean everything...words cannot even begin to describe the scene, continued pressing forward, persevering, diligently working undistracted and with complete devotion to strangers, neighbors, co-workers, brothers and sisters in Christ, amidst a magnitude of loss, so vulnerable. It was an amazing sight to bear witness to, compassion at its best, as I've never witnessed before.
Oh yes the Lord is stirring our hearts and surely He is with and amongst us, but how do we even begin to wrap our heads around His mercy in our lives and the horrific devastation. Yes we can count our blessings; yes, we can hold loved ones tighter, but it doesn't even begin to compare to the mercy He has extended to us. They are new every morning; but when you survey the vast damage and almost irreplaceable loss in Joplin, it is difficult to find His mercies. Peoples lives torn apart, literally, by an EF5 tornado, 1/3 of the town gone, homes lost, children missing, lives lost...where is He is in all this? Where? He is everywhere...He is in the rescue dogs whose paws were chaffed and ripped raw from searching, He can be seen in every parking lot, on every corner, handing out water, chainsaws sharpening, every pile of rubble, every wall left standing with an X on it,...everywhere. It is absolutely heart wrenching to see all the devastation, but on the other hand, I am in awe of the people who are out there being Jesus with skin on...amazed. Please don't misunderstand me, I cannot even pretend to understand what the people of Joplin are going through, nor do I want to diminish the magnitude of loss...it is complete devastation, COMPLETE! But yet the people of Joplin pulled together, the people of Christ have come to help, witness, support, and offer their compassion and services to those who have lost so much.
Mercy is defined as "compassionate or kindly forbearance, compassion, benevolence; the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing" This is witnessed everywhere you look in Joplin. When I looked out at bareness, starkness, and eeriness left in the aftermath of this natural disaster I found it difficult to see hope or mercy. But it was there, among the lost and broken. There is hope; what would I do if I were among the many who suffered so much loss, I do not know. I can only cling to the one truth I know to be true in my life and that is Jesus Christ. So what if I am made a fool of, He is my rock, I trust in His mercies and His people.
My heart is aching for the people of Joplin, for my family, for my friends, for those who have lost everything; it just aches. Cry out to Him, cry out to the one who loves unconditionally, who bestows mercy unconditionally, who longs for your eyes to be fixed on Him. He is able to take your pain, your anger, your questions, your doubts. His mercy was displayed on the cross, and yes it can be witnessed in Joplin, MO. My eyes are opened, my ears opened, and my heart to the One who can bear all, to the One who wants to bring restoration and bestow His mercies to the lost, hurt, broken, confused, angry, and scared. God bless Joplin, be a refuge and shelter to those who suffer.
Lucinda
We entered Joplin yesterday not knowing what to expect. As we began to make our way around town what we witnessed is indescribable, impossible to wrap our heads around-utter devastation, complete pulverization, something I have never in my life experienced. As Galen puts it: a dichotomy, people who lost everything, and I mean everything...words cannot even begin to describe the scene, continued pressing forward, persevering, diligently working undistracted and with complete devotion to strangers, neighbors, co-workers, brothers and sisters in Christ, amidst a magnitude of loss, so vulnerable. It was an amazing sight to bear witness to, compassion at its best, as I've never witnessed before.
Oh yes the Lord is stirring our hearts and surely He is with and amongst us, but how do we even begin to wrap our heads around His mercy in our lives and the horrific devastation. Yes we can count our blessings; yes, we can hold loved ones tighter, but it doesn't even begin to compare to the mercy He has extended to us. They are new every morning; but when you survey the vast damage and almost irreplaceable loss in Joplin, it is difficult to find His mercies. Peoples lives torn apart, literally, by an EF5 tornado, 1/3 of the town gone, homes lost, children missing, lives lost...where is He is in all this? Where? He is everywhere...He is in the rescue dogs whose paws were chaffed and ripped raw from searching, He can be seen in every parking lot, on every corner, handing out water, chainsaws sharpening, every pile of rubble, every wall left standing with an X on it,...everywhere. It is absolutely heart wrenching to see all the devastation, but on the other hand, I am in awe of the people who are out there being Jesus with skin on...amazed. Please don't misunderstand me, I cannot even pretend to understand what the people of Joplin are going through, nor do I want to diminish the magnitude of loss...it is complete devastation, COMPLETE! But yet the people of Joplin pulled together, the people of Christ have come to help, witness, support, and offer their compassion and services to those who have lost so much.
Mercy is defined as "compassionate or kindly forbearance, compassion, benevolence; the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing" This is witnessed everywhere you look in Joplin. When I looked out at bareness, starkness, and eeriness left in the aftermath of this natural disaster I found it difficult to see hope or mercy. But it was there, among the lost and broken. There is hope; what would I do if I were among the many who suffered so much loss, I do not know. I can only cling to the one truth I know to be true in my life and that is Jesus Christ. So what if I am made a fool of, He is my rock, I trust in His mercies and His people.
My heart is aching for the people of Joplin, for my family, for my friends, for those who have lost everything; it just aches. Cry out to Him, cry out to the one who loves unconditionally, who bestows mercy unconditionally, who longs for your eyes to be fixed on Him. He is able to take your pain, your anger, your questions, your doubts. His mercy was displayed on the cross, and yes it can be witnessed in Joplin, MO. My eyes are opened, my ears opened, and my heart to the One who can bear all, to the One who wants to bring restoration and bestow His mercies to the lost, hurt, broken, confused, angry, and scared. God bless Joplin, be a refuge and shelter to those who suffer.
Lucinda
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Refuge
We encountered very scary news tonight. We received a phone call around 6 pm from my brother in law reporting they had a tornado rip through Galen's hometown. No one had been able to make contact with my mother in law, nor were they able to get to her home. The tornado had ripped the hospital near her home to shreds and leveled the entire surrounding area. The pictures on The Weather Channel gave us little hope and left our hearts and minds deeply troubled. We did the only thing we thought we could do. We fell to our knees and began to pray. We cried out to God. He was our refuge tonight and the only one we ran to. Psalm 9: 9 states: The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. We took refuge in Him. We passed the request on to the prayer warriors in our lives. He heard our cries and answered prayers. His mother was safe and was able to make contact with us at about 8 pm. Her home, somehow, miraculously was unscathed, and she wasn't home when it hit. Galen's friends lost their car and were in Wal-Mart when it collapsed, but are safe. They are shaken but safe. These are just 2 stories from this devastation. There will certainly be more, but He is sovereign. He will stand above all, He will be our refuge when we reach to Him. And so now we will do the only thing we know to do, praise Him. My Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Had the story ended differently, He still would've been the same today and tomorrow as He was yesterday. His love is never changing, He is never changing, He is always sovereign. We will rest in His sovereignty and hand of protection. Psalm 59: 16 But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. We will continue to cry out to him to restore all that was lost in Joplin, MO on this now historical day for the city. We rest in Him, we trust Him to restore and redeem.
~~Lucinda
~~Lucinda
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
My Love Story
Seven years ago I was a single mommy of two wonderful boys, an infant and a 4 year old. Each night I cried out to the Lord to write a beautiful love story over my life. I was blessed in so many ways, depending on Him for his provision and protection over my family and our situation, but I desperately desired a godly husband. One night as I spent time alone with Him, seeking and searching Him, (something that has happened less often, with regret, as time has past) I realized He was already writing my love story, a love story of salvation and redemption. His constant pursuit of my heart and my unabandoned worship of Him wrote My Love Story. With spirit led fingers and heart My Love Story was formed.
My Love Story
I am Chosen by the Most High.
In His peace and salvation I lie.
I am His dearly beloved,
Into His chambers I'm led.
I am not ashamed; I am who I am,
I am a princess, a daughter of the Royal King.
Praises of only Him I will sing.
I am an heir of the Promised Land,
Because of His mercy and grace I freely stand.
I am His heart's desire,
Of me, He will never tire.
I am the apple of His eye,
His great delight.
I am free; from me all evil will flee, when in me, My Heavenly Father, they will see.
It is within His sweet embrace, I see His glorious face.
Beneath His wings, refuge and restoration He brings.
How unique is each one's love story, narrated to declare His glory.
Written by: Lucinda
Cheesy, maybe; silly, maybe; perfectly written, probably not; spirit filled, definitely. I believe it was what He wanted me to know about myself and my love story that night so many years ago. I do not know where you are tonight or what you might be facing or even how you happened upon my blog, but I pray these words will help you see who you are in His eyes and help you find your own love story. I hope you take a moment to reflect on His love and know, no matter where you are, no matter how deep you are sinking, there is nothing that can separate us from His love, no deed too dirty, no sin to horrific which His blood and grace cannot cover. He pursues us wholly, each and everyone of us. His love is redeeming and unending.
Blessings
My Love Story
I am Chosen by the Most High.
In His peace and salvation I lie.
I am His dearly beloved,
Into His chambers I'm led.
I am not ashamed; I am who I am,
I am a princess, a daughter of the Royal King.
Praises of only Him I will sing.
I am an heir of the Promised Land,
Because of His mercy and grace I freely stand.
I am His heart's desire,
Of me, He will never tire.
I am the apple of His eye,
His great delight.
I am free; from me all evil will flee, when in me, My Heavenly Father, they will see.
It is within His sweet embrace, I see His glorious face.
Beneath His wings, refuge and restoration He brings.
How unique is each one's love story, narrated to declare His glory.
Written by: Lucinda
Cheesy, maybe; silly, maybe; perfectly written, probably not; spirit filled, definitely. I believe it was what He wanted me to know about myself and my love story that night so many years ago. I do not know where you are tonight or what you might be facing or even how you happened upon my blog, but I pray these words will help you see who you are in His eyes and help you find your own love story. I hope you take a moment to reflect on His love and know, no matter where you are, no matter how deep you are sinking, there is nothing that can separate us from His love, no deed too dirty, no sin to horrific which His blood and grace cannot cover. He pursues us wholly, each and everyone of us. His love is redeeming and unending.
Blessings
Monday, May 2, 2011
My first time
So after becoming a tweeter today I decided it was time to go for my far off in the future, when this changes or that happens, dream of blogging. So if you are reading this, I apologize, for it will probably be a bit of a let down. But hey, I am on and I am doing it. Sometimes, you just need to step out of that comfort zone and follow a dream, or in my case, more of a desire to share life. As time goes on, and I get better at blogging, I pray it will touch the lives of many or even just one. I also plan to share life with you and use this as a documentary of our lives, men3boyz. I plan to use my blog spot as a testimony for the work God is doing in my life and the lives of my family. So happy following and may the joy of our Lord and Savior be with you. Blessings.
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