Stirrings of my heart

Today, this will be a rambling of my thoughts, but I am so excited for what God is doing in my heart.

I am so grateful for my husband and family. Before I met Galen, I had my heart opened to the possibility of international adoption in my future. However, life happened, I was a single mom of 2 (ages 5 and 1), met my wonderful forever husband, whom God had perfectly planted into our lives, completed a life long bucket list dream of running a marathon in Hawaii, got married, and began the grueling, but blessed process of becoming a blended family.

My husband had never been around children; he had prayed for two children. He got two children and then some, if you count me :) Before I met Galen, I always felt I would have more biological children when my forever husband came into our lives. However, God always has a plan to refine me and "my plan." When I met Galen and began to consider him as the one who God had for me and heard his life story, I would have to give up the dream of more children.  I also knew God was faithful and the creator of life; I fervently sought Him regarding this issue. Before Galen and I began to date, I knew, if we were to get married, I could trust God and He was in control; He is who He is...if He chose to withhold the gift of life or give the gift of life to us, that I could trust Him and His plan for my life and our marriage. I also have learned time and again that my plan is not always His plan and thank Him for that. I knew Galen was who God had hand picked specifically to be my husband. We discussed the option of adopting, but just briefly.

Moving on, we married within 9 months and began gelling our family together. As life happened and we began to adjust to life as a blended family our thoughts of adoption which really weren't all that long ago began to fade and seemed a distant memory or "nice thought" (you get what I am saying here) yah, pretty much not gonna happen! Forming our family was hard work and still we struggle with the blended family aspects in our life, but we have gotten into a "groove" and are so content with what we have as a family. We did and still do HARD! We are not perfect, and I am far from a perfect mommy and wife.

Five years later, I wish I could say giving up my dream of babies was just instantly removed, but it hasn't been. One would think I would have learned my lesson easily because there are days where I don't think I can handle the two children the Lord has blessed me with, but because of His mercy we find strength each day to work together as a family. The truth is through this journey, I continuously have had to give my dream of more biological children up to the Lord time and time again. I watch other people having babies and in sadness pray for peace and comfort in my heart as we have never heard yes from God. I keep trusting He has a better plan for us. Most days that is hard to believe, but I still HOPE.

HOPE renewed:
I am so thankful today for what I do have as a family and have never had as much peace as I do now about not having any more children biologically. The Lord has been doing a work in my heart as I seek Him in this matter, and He has given me new eyes and a renewed heart about family. I still feel like He is not done with us; I have prayed for release and peace in this issue, and today I have it. I truly believe our family is not complete yet, but I also know if He chose to add to our family it would be for His glory, not for my selfish desires. His glory and His glory only! I know Galen and I have so much love to give, and after offering to take care of a friend's children for several days this summer, I know I have more love to give. I loved having a house full of kids and noise and was so content with craziness. Galen says, "it would be cool if we had a girl, but I am content either way."

So here we are, content, hoping, and stewarding what we have been given to the best of our ability. And, about that far off in the past dream of international adoption, I am not so sure He is done with that one in our hearts yet. Today, I see family defined differently; God is working on my heart and showing me what it means to care for the abandoned and expand His kingdom. When salvation found me broken and imperfect, I was  adopted into His kingdom and family for eternity. He has given me eyes to see how adoption is His representation of His love for all. He has shown me, that I, physically abandoned on this earth as a child and later adopted, is also a child of His. We are called to extend that blessing to others who are abandoned. Had I not been adopted, I may never have known His love for me or experienced grace in my life. My parents sacrificially accepted my twin sister and me into their lives, inconvenience, chaos, messes and all. Their imperfections didn't stop them; their hearts propelled them forward. When God purposes us to do something, He always makes a way and gives us strength. My mom and dad didn't say, oh we can't do that-they saw two little girls who needed love and a home. Trust me, as we grew I am sure we gave them reason to question why them, but I know they never did. They only loved us. They were not perfect, and therefore, neither do we have to be perfect. Because of His grace and His mercy in our lives, when the Lord calls us to be adopted into His kingdom and to serve Him, He never calls us to be perfectly put together. Thank God!

All I have to say, is get ready Lucinda, Galen, Tristin, and Jotham our life is about to get crazy but for His glory and His glory only.

Til next time,

Lucinda